Ya its true I had very bad moment, long periods where I just wanted to go away from here. The first month was horrible, I will not conceal the difficulties I had with the language. In my remote area few people speak English and the communications was very hard. After two months, however, I started to get familiar with the official language Bahasa Indonesia, yeah because here in Indonesia living more than 700 language and most indonesians speak Sundanese in my district, a language very different from Bahasa Indonesia and hard to learning. And now this obstacle still alive. People and kids each other speak Sundanese even with my presence, Pussing! And I don’t like it very much, continually I feel a stranger, bule' translate white man. Now I don’t get angry more for this title but I think it s a little bit racist to call a person by the color of their skin and I try to teach them that s a bad habit but I also realized that they don’t say to hurt me but because they are happy to see foreigner and they like white skin. All women use clarify cream, and I cant to understand it, we should accept for what we are. This is not all, walking on the beach alone a man tried to touch me, one more time during the night I found one man spying me through the window while I was sleeping and I don’t want say nothing about my underwear stolen! I thought many times to get away from here, I felt so alone and I had no one to talk about that. That’s why I also had long periods of silence, I felt in danger. People with bad intentions are everywhere especially in poor areas where the “white man” is seen like a source of money, already there are special price for foreigners they same time increased the price more than double and you must be a good bargainer. Fortunately not all people are like that, people with endless hospitality that make me feel at home. When walking in the village and I meet my children shouting my name I remember why I come here and my motivation rises again.
Thanks to all the people who have hosted, fed and took care of me like a daughter and are so many. Elisa ayo makan makan, Elisa cam here for eating together, people poor bur rich in heart, people who don’t want anything in return. I mostly finished my project because of you Cap Cuis, my best friend here! I got a brother here, a brother I haven’t in Italy. I want to tell him story. Cap Cuis is a boy of 28 years old maybe, hi doesn’t know exactly when he born, growing up without parents who have educated, living in the street, mistreated but nevertheless he never lost the right path or at least was able to restart a new life. Now he work for the Ujung Kulon National Park like carrier. One time at month for ten days he goes in the jungle carrying huge bag of food and equipment necessary. Money is not enough, and tries to increase it like a tour guide. He live in a camp roam, a small bamboo house with two rooms, one kitchen and toilet, that the ranger using for refresh oneself and I live there. I was really afraid to live alone after that episodes mentioned before and he took care of me like a mother a brother. He makes me smile again, he know me like a old closer friend. We fought, we made peace just like brother and sister and I don’t know I will do without him it will be the most difficult part. W are real, we make mistakes, we say I m sorry, we have fun, we do second chances, we give hugs, we forgive, we are patients, we love, we are one family.
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